this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
