oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
