i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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