So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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