Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
