literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize