my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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