she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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