Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
