Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
