grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
