i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize