you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
