i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
