When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
