you guys were way drunker than both of me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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