apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Less talking, more tequila
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
