I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
