I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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