I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize