wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
