brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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