White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
