just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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