How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
