so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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