There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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