Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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