the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize