Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
