Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
