Will you blow on my dice?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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