I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
