mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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