Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
