plz talk dirty to me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
