fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
