I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
