i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
