she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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