No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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