party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize