I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
