thus making me awesome and them whores
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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