I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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