Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
