And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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