Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
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