So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your cock deserves a montage
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
