The best revenge is premature balding
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
