So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't turn off my feet"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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