You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
