I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
