I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
