just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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