you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
