We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
