Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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