i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
