I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
we should paint friendship bongs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
