i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Drunk is not a location!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
