her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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