I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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