Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
