My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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