and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
