Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
