Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
