im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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