Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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