you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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