Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
