I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
