I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I need water and some morals
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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