I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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