i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
