she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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