I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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