sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize