It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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