remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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