yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
