k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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