dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
