Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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