Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
