Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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