he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
