is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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