I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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