So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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