when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
