You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
