Taylor Swift is so right about you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
