I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
