If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
